How to Have More Time

This isn’t a post about habit stacking.

This isn’t a post about streamlining your morning routine.

And this isn’t a post about how to flutter around your home like a magical fairy completing all the household chores in 15 minutes while listening to a self help podcast with the straps of a red-light mask octtapussed around your face.

This is a post about time and perspective. And how I’ve found balance (read: peace) after intertwining the two appropriately.

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I started writing this post 6 months ago but never felt like I had time to finish it. Ironic.

I also haven’t been too active on Substack over the past few weeks. And a few months ago, this is something I may have beat myself up for.

Not sticking to my one post a week self imposed goal has been sort of…liberating.

Because balancing mom life and work life hasn’t left too much in the margins recently.

But regardless, I have held fast to my non-negotiables.

Not the things that I think I should be doing. But the things I actually want to be doing.

• Making the bed with the utmost attention to detail

• My morning 2-mile walk with my family

• A leisurely breakfast

• A meal prep schedule that makes me feel like Barefoot Contessa

• Applying self tanner at least once a week

• Daily 10 minute voice notes to my best friends

• Afternoon ginger ale in a wine glass (my new thing)

• 10 minutes of trash TV at night

Not the things I used to feel like I should be doing.

• Posting on Substack every single week.

• Washing my hair with a socially acceptable frequency

• Always being available

• Putting away clean laundry immediately

• Having pained toenails

• Saying yes to things I’d rather pass on

• Teaching my 1-year old quantum physics

• Decorating my home in a way that says “no one lives here”.

And man, I’ve been happier recently. More on that here.

And a big portion of that has stemmed from fixing my perspective on the passing of time. I promise it’s not about getting to your destination faster or optimizing your to do list.

So with that, here’s what’s helped me reclaim my clock.

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Relieve yourself of the mental burden associated with the things that you feel like you “should be” doing.

Overwhelm is frequently paired with the feeling of not having enough time. Most of us have the standard rolodex on our plate that is laundry, grocery shopping and cleaning. Most of us work. Some of us parent.

And if you said yes to all 5 of those, then 1. I see you, I am you (actually I’m lying my husband does the grocery shopping). and 2. that is already five wildly important and very time consuming items.

And yet aside from the basic responsibilities that most us carry on our shoulders, it seems like these days we’re all being bombarded with a million “should be”s: the things that society makes us feel like we should be doing.

You probably know what I’m talking about, but this can manifest itself differently for everyone.

And honestly I think we’re all walking around pretty drained as a result of all this unrealistic pressure. Time seems fleeting because we have all these things floating around in our heads that we think we need to be doing. And these self/societal imposed expectations only set us up for disappointment.

So stop worrying about filling every moment of the clock. Stop worrying about the things you think you should be doing. Not only are you not doing them, but you’re wasting precious energy fretting over the fact that you’re not doing them!!

You’ll realize you get a lot of time back when you block out the noise.

Which brings me to my next point:

HOW OTHERS CHOOSE TO SPEND THEIR TIME IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Stop looking over your shoulder, and drop the comparison game.

You’ll definitely feel like you don’t have enough time if you’re constantly worrying about doing everything you want and need to do plus everything that Sarah, Meghan, and Betsy are doing too.

Because I promise that no one really cares what you’re doing, or what you’re not doing.

So send Christmas cards, or don’t. Read one book every week, or none at all. Call your mom, or don’t. Actually no definitely DO call your mom.

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Do the thing you want to do and do it FIRST.

You feel like you don’t have enough time because you’re not spending enough time doing the things you actually want to do.

Imagine for a second that you’re on a super strict diet. And unfortunately for you, the cheeseburger craving has hit in full force. If you tell yourself that you can’t have the burger and fries, chances are you’ll spend all day thinking about said cheeseburger, and feel deprived.

The same principle applies to your time. If you buy into the narrative that you don’t have enough time to spend doing the things you want to do, you’ll feel deprived. It’s that simple.

It’s scarcity mentality. Diet culture of the clock.

Doing the thing you want to do, before doing the thing you have to do - is not a lapse of self discipline. It’s the time management equivalent of indulging in a craving. It’s tricking your brain into thinking that what you want to do has already been accomplished, leaving you happier and more refreshed heading into a task that you maybe don’t prefer. Because you already got your wish list item in for the day.

Make it happen. Schedule it. Do it first. Whatever it takes.

Have chocolate for breakfast. Watch your Netflix show with your morning coffee.

I’ve gotten into the nitty gritty of it here. But part of my hyper early morning routine has been built around putting my “me time” first. Because I’m only human and I need more than 30 seconds at the tail end of the day to fill up my bucket.

This is all to say, be wary of the message that time is scarce. We have plenty. It’s our perspective that dictates how quickly the sand slips through the hourglass.

So do the damn thing and do it first. You’re not on a time diet.

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And so are you.

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Because I am here to tell you that no matter how family vacations you take or coffee dates you make or how many hours a week you spend scrolling Instagram or TikTok or Substack or reading or watching TV or watching your children laugh or absolutely grinding it out in the corporate hustle: time will continue to pass at the same rate.

We have no control over time. Only our response to it.

So free yourself from the mental burden of the “shoulds”. And do the damn things you want to do. And just watch how much time you start to have.

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